Live the life I want to live...

Ok! No more hiding, fine I've got it. The gods have been sending me some pretty blatantly obvious signs to me lately that I need to shape up or ship out, so that's what I'm going to do...as soon as I finish this blog entry :).

So this no more hiding thing...what am I hiding from, exactly? It's not failure, I'm not afraid to fail. in fact, I'd rather fail than not try at all. See, there you go...I don't like doing nothing so why have I been doing nothing? Maybe it's an overabundance of choice. But that can't be it either, I've never been one to care about choice. I've never had to make a choice, I've always just done. Ahhh...perhaps there is the rub? I've never had to choose before this, choose where my life is going to go. The choice has always been made for me: high school, college, masters...then what? Where am I supposed to go now? Perhaps this question started creeping into my sub-conscious around the summertime...that would explain my lack of ability to make any kind of choice whatsoever. So that must be what I'm hiding from.

People must experience this a lot. Structure is was disciplines us and makes us strong, so of course we have structure binding together the larger aspects of our lives, as well. While under the umbrella of "my education" I have felt free to make small decisions regarding my life that may or may not have a significant impact on my future. I've been lucky enough to have a number of positive experiences, but the negative ones I have sided in the "learning lessons" pile and really...when do we face the consequences of our actions? Of our poor choices? And how do we forgive ourselves for making those choices, especially in the case of it truly being the right decision at the time? Around and around in our heads we contemplate this, until we wake up one day and realize that there is one semester left in our structured lives. The whole world is open to us! But we are afraid. No more hiding!! Every decision made will have consequences. There is no master planner sitting in a room deciding where you fit in the world. You have to live the life you want to live. Just live it.

So that's my plan, live my life the way I want to live it. In order to do that I've come up with a list of things that must happen. These are constants. No matter what, these things must be in my life or I will not have my happiness support.

1. My "family": Bethany, Marcus, Cat, Dr. Miller: I will do whatever it takes to be living within 20 miles of any and all of these people for the rest of my life.

2. Choir: it is my faith, it is my strength, and with it I can do anything

Yeah, that's pretty much all I need to be happy.

So now that I'm not hiding anymore, I need to start being productive!!! Beginning with TODAY. Here is my to-do list...let's see if I can accomplish each task. My living room smells delicious like maple syrup. yum.

ok...

-clean kitchen
-clean room
-clean living room
-clean bathroom
-return library cds and books
-pay rent
-boosey and hawk check
-pay parking ticket
-mikey's invoice
-go to verizon
-go to store for snuggie
-email amy
-email uncles and friends in california
-laundry
-memorize recital
-make life to-do list
-eat?

Ok...so now I have to actually do these things. Now I have a really difficult decision to make...what kind of music do I want to listen to whilst cleaning?
...
I think the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack sounds great, too!!

Bye, loves! :)